I Was in a Private Members’ Club for a Year – Here’s My Experience

Today I want to write a slightly different kind of a post. For the past year, I’ve been in a brand new private members’ club and I want to tell you about my experience because joining a club like this can be a wonderful way to level up.

This is a new club that I’m sure none of you have even heard of and at this point, it doesn’t have a clubhouse. Instead, the events are organized in fancy hotels and other places, and there is a lot of online content, such as webinars throughout the year. In other words, the club doesn’t operate like Annabel’s or Home House.

I’m definitely happy to see communities like this exist for women to network and level up their lives. But there’s a reason I’m no longer a member.

I wondered whether I should write this post or not because I certainly don’t want to be negative or make anyone feel bad about their lifestyle or their choices. There’s nothing wrong with living your life the way you deem best.

But at the same time, I see the same issues appear over and over again in the leveling up world and I want you to be aware of them, so that you are better equipped to make your own choices.

What the year included

The club had quite a few events and meet-ups throughout the year, ranging from pop-up events for curated luxury brand collections, to yoga and pottery classes.

I wasn’t able to attend any of them due to living far away and traveling a lot, so I only had access to the online content. I can’t say this really bothered me though.

There were eight webinars in total, covering topics such as leveling up, manifesting, and finding your dream partner. The members could also use an online platform to connect. Additionally, there was a lot of content in the form of private Instagram stories, which I’d say were the most interesting part of the year because they were more personal.

The positive

As I already said, I’m really happy that there are spaces for women to connect and learn more about how to make their lives better. And I love learning more about personal development and getting practical tips, and we definitely got plenty of those.

During the year, I also learned a lot about running an online business and how to (and especially how not to) connect with your audience, but I won’t bore you with that.

However, I think the biggest benefit of the year was the push to set higher standards, dare to make changes in your life that feel scary, and have the courage to set bigger goals for yourself.

The inspiration and information are available elsewhere too, but when you constantly hear the same message from the same source, it holds much more weight. In other words, you are much more likely to actually follow that advice and make changes in your life.

And then the negative

Overall, I think I got my money’s worth from the membership. However, there were quite a few things that I didn’t enjoy, and many of them are things that I think are common problems in leveling up communities.

That’s why I want to bring them up, so that you’ll have an easier time deciding what’s right for you and so that you don’t have to waste your time doing something just because others are doing it.

1. A lot of hype for nothing

I love it when people are positive and optimistic, and get excited about things. Absolutely. But constantly hyping up things that turn out to be only so-so makes you question everything. Getting lots of hints about “something great” coming up and only for it to be revealed as a discount at a hotel in the same city most members live in, isn’t exactly my idea of some grand partnership.

There’s of course a lot of hype for the club itself too. And while the founder of the club liked to make comparisons to Annabel’s, I really don’t see how having most of the content in private Instagram stories and offering adult ballet or pottery making classes (as fun as they can be) compares to having events that are focused on socializing and networking, which is what you would expect from a private member’s club.

I think the worst event of the year was an energy healing session, which just meant that you put your name on a list and then some energy healer apparently healed your energy remotely. In my opinion, that’s not an event. That’s literally nothing.

2. Insane focus on status

I think we can all agree that it’s nice to have good-quality clothes or live in a sought-after neighborhood. But there’s a difference between prioritizing quality and doing things just for the status.

During the year, I couldn’t help but get the impression that the main goal was to build a life that looks extravagant on the outside. There was a lot of hype for fancy hotels, designer clothes, and expensive restaurants.

I think most people looking for rentals in London would prefer a beautiful and comfortable home in a clean and safe area, not an empty and soulless hotel-like apartment with a concierge. My favorite neighborhoods in London are the ones that inspire me and feel like home to me, not necessarily the ones that are considered cool (although my #1 favorite is Hampstead).

And while I understand that people want to get some items from Chanel or Louis Vuitton, I don’t understand what is classy about clothes that have the brand’s name printed all over them or what’s the point of getting into the Hermès game if you don’t even truly enjoy their products.

Sometimes I felt like the emperor had no clothes, like with the apartment. I have no problem with people having different preferences and opinions than I do, but for most of the year I felt like the focus was just on status, price, and a very shallow idea of what upper-class or rich people do, instead of what you actually like or what would be right for you. I wouldn’t really call that leveling up.

3. Constantly playing weird games

Another thing that I found curious was the constant advice to one way or the other plan business meetings, dinner parties, and restaurant or luxury store visits in such detail that it came across as a little manipulative.

I’m sure everyone looking to close a business deal or wanting to make a good impression on someone dresses up and does things they think will be in their favor. That’s completely normal.

But making sure that every room in your apartment, the hallway outside included, smells just right so that the guests will be in the right headspace, and faking phone calls at preplanned times is something else.

Of course, appearances matter in this world, there’s no denying it. I totally understand people wanting to look their very best (that applies to me too) and wanting to look the part in different environments. But I do think you should still be true to yourself.

4. Shaming people for things that aren’t “the best”

Another thing that really bothered me was the constant criticism, or practically shaming, of the members for buying or doing things that were cheap or not high-level.

It’s definitely a good idea for people to look into more expensive, better-quality clothes that will last for years, and I think we can all agree that fast fashion is bad. And if you love sushi (like I do), why not go to a fancy sushi restaurant sometimes to see what it’s like?

But I really don’t understand what’s the point of implying that going to a cheaper sushi buffet is a no-no, or that it’s crazy to fly in economy, or that Androids are somehow inferior to iPhones and “always have some weird problems”. More expensive cosmetics, hotels, or anything else aren’t necessarily any better.

I don’t think it’s healthy to restrict your life to only the expensive options and experiences, and I think it can push you in the wrong direction on your leveling up journey.

5. Ridiculous claims

Now, I don’t have a problem with someone believing in angel numbers or that the universe listens to them, there’s literally no harm in that. But there was a curious amount of talk about these kinds of things and I feel like it pushes people who don’t even believe in these things to waste their time learning about new age beliefs, such as astrocartography, that don’t benefit them in any way.

A lot of the claims I heard throughout the year were not in any way backed by science and some were simply insane. These nonsense claims included: tap water in London isn’t drinkable, peanut butter causes cancer, rich people don’t shop at Tesco, different kinds of fabrics have different frequencies that affect your feelings, and if your electronics break, it could be because of your toxic energy.

There were also a lot of claims about how literally everyone in London and New York does this and that, and that’s why we should do it too.

6. Masculine and feminine energy

I could write a whole post about this, but I’ll try to keep this short. This topic is a bit of a two-sided coin, since I think it’s good that there’s an increasing amount of talk about how unfair and even harmful normal relationships are to women and how you should set clear standards for the men you date.

But then there’s the talk about how your man MUST be a provider man and how you MUST be in your feminine energy to have a good relationship.

If you’re not familiar with the concept, basically a provider man is the epitome of a traditional gentleman, and he pretty much has to be quite well-off to be able to afford to pay your rent in a nice neighborhood, all those business and first class tickets and so on. You yourself should be very feminine and not do things that are masculine.

Wondering what this means?

Well, you for example should always let the man plan the holidays, book the tickets, and print the boarding passes at the airport. You should also admit that driving a car is actually quite tiring for a woman.

There was also a plethora of insane claims about what is natural for a woman and what is natural for a man. For instance, they claimed that men are natural protectors and providers, women didn’t work outside the home until the 20th century, men want to be respected, whereas women want to be protected and so on.

This nonsense doesn’t just apply to this private members’ club, but to some leveling up circles in general. It was rampant in the club though and let me tell you, it got pretty infuriating at times.

Basically their idea of men and women, or masculinity and femininity, is super stereotypical, and curiously all of the masculine qualities are a normal part of adulthood, while being feminine basically equates to being a child.

7. Constant pressure to feel a certain way

As I already said, I love positivity and optimism, and we definitely need supportive communities for women. That’s all fine and dandy.

But I felt there was a strong pressure to only praise and hype everything and everyone, which left no room for another thing I love: constructive criticism. I felt like you couldn’t really question or disagree with anything that was said.

Since there was a strong focus on status items, I think people felt pressured to start spending more money on everything from clothes to vacations, even if those things were not actually important to them.

I do think it’s good to teach people that it is possible to change their lives and make more money, but it’s also important to recognize that people want different things from life, and most people wouldn’t be any happier in 5-star hotels with Prada bags in their hands.

8. Being dismissive and patronizing

Another thing that annoyed me was the odd implication that the members were stupid for asking certain questions about leveling up. For example, at one point people were asked to share their monthly income goals and there were people saying 10k, or maybe 50k a month.

But when someone said that they were already happy with their finances and wondered if they should still have income goals, they were met with patronizing comments saying that the question was “innocent enough”, but also ignorant.

Also, when anyone said or did anything that apparently wasn’t up to the standards of the club (like asking if anyone knew why emojis weren’t visible on the club platform on their device or saying that it would be fun to have a remote hangout session on Zoom), we were all treated to an Instagram diatribe about how this kind of attitude and behavior was not ok and how you could never do something like this at Annabel’s, topped off with a nice little “I know this is new to you” in a patronizing tone.

Let’s just say that I didn’t exactly feel like asking or suggesting anything.

I’m still happy I joined

All in all, the year was filled with motivation and go-getter energy, which I love. I got lots of good tips and it was amazing to hear stories from women who met their goals and had their dreams come true during the year.

However, I was left with a strong feeling that people were trying to become some sort of stereotype of what a high-level woman is, which left no space for them to be themselves or do something just because they wanted to. There was a strong sense of rules for what is a desirable life and how you should look, what kind of man you should have, and what kind of standards you should have.

A lot of what I said only applies to this club or its team, but I’ve seen it in the wider leveling up community as well, and that is why I wanted to talk about it. And to be honest, I also wanted to vent a little because the club didn’t really have much of a “say what you think” atmosphere.

I hope this post inspires you to think about what kind of life is right for you and whether there are people in your life that inadvertently influence your opinions and life choices in the wrong way. After all, only you can know what kind of life is right for you.

I’d love to know what thoughts you have about this and whether you’ve had similar experiences in the communities you’ve been a part of.

If you have energy to read some more, may I suggest these two posts next:

You Are the CEO of Your Life

How to Take Charge of Your Own Life