Do You Have Too Many Friends?

Does the title sound crazy? It might be, but when it comes to making sure that your life is in order and not cluttered, you have to take a look at your relationships too. It’s important that no person in your life hurts you or makes your life any worse. In the first part of the Deep Cleaning My Life series, I decluttered my digital space. I went through all of my social media accounts and unfollowed all the accounts I don’t benefit from. Then I went through all the files on my laptop and all the apps on my phone and got rid of what I don’t need. Now it’s time to take a look at the people in my life.

We actually tend to have quite a lot of people in our lives. Let’s take a look: we have a few good friends, some friends we only see a couple of times a year, childhood friends, colleagues, people we know from high school or university, old pen pals and summer camp acquaintances. And probably quite a few others! Typically these people will remain at least as our Facebook friends for years after we lose touch.

There is nothing wrong with having people as Facebook friends or being interested in people’s lives even when we no longer really have any connection with them. The only problem is, when hanging on to people from the past hurts us or holds us back.

Do they put pressure on you?

Feelings of inferiority

Sometimes seeing certain people on Facebook or Instagram can make you feel inferior, for no good reason. Maybe your old classmates post about their new interesting jobs in Abu Dhabi and Paris, five of your Facebook friends have bought a house this year and everyone seems to be going to trendy restaurants or at least eating Pinterest-worthy meals at home. Every other person seems to be having babies (or is it only two people?) or at least having so much fun with their friends, on a daily basis. As we all know, social media doesn’t portray reality, but it can be hard to remember sometimes.

I often see people my age posting pictures of their kids or travels and sometimes it makes me feel that I’m stuck in life and what I do doesn’t matter so much. But in reality, only a small minority of people my age have kids, people don’t travel that much (especially now of course) and their fancy jobs in foreign countries might not be as incredible as they sound like on LinkedIn.

And after all, I too live abroad and I quite like my job. That’s why it is so important for you to keep in mind what you already know: what people let others see is not the whole picture. And just because someone has a great job or a new house, doesn’t mean that their whole life is like a dream.

You need the right kind of inspiration

I talked about inspiration in my last post, and my point still stands. But you might just be interested in having some good inspiration in your life. After all, it does give you energy and belief in the future. So, what you need to do, is to make sure that you surround yourself (also on social media) with people who make you feel good and inspire you. When you open Instagram, you should see pictures that give you motivation or remind you of your goals.

You should follow accounts that make you laugh and teach you useful things. Just be honest with yourself about the accounts that don’t serve you. The ones that make you feel like you’re not good enough (which isn’t true!) and the ones that don’t really interest you can go. Fill your feed with what is good for you.

Time to declutter!

There are quite a few people who have sometimes made me feel inferior or in other ways not so good. They are mostly people I met in high school or university or just people I only know on social media. All of them are great and none of them have done or said anything bad to me. But they are also people with whom I have no connection anyway, so it is best to just unfollow them and maybe follow some new people!

It feels weird to turn your back on people you used to go to classes with, but I’m pretty sure these people won’t even notice me unfollowing or unfriending them. And at the end of the day, you have to do what is best for yourself.

A whole other thing is unfriending people who are actually friends with you. If you have friends who don’t respect you, or with whom you don’t share any interests anymore, or if you simply feel you don’t click with them,  you should have the courage to just stop seeing them. Friendships don’t have to last forever and sometimes it’s best for both of you to part ways.

I myself don’t have any terrible problems with my friends, but there are a couple of people who I don’t think are a good match for me. We don’t hang out much anyway, so I have simply decided to not contact them anymore. If they send me a message, I will gladly answer or maybe meet with them. Given that I’m often the one who sends the first message, I don’t think this will even happen.

While I have been talking a lot about friends, for some people the problematic people in their lives can be family members or relatives. This is a tougher case, as keeping in touch with family is seen as something that just is done, no matter what. But if someone has hurt you or your loved one badly, the wisest choice might be to cut them out of your life, to protect yourself. Just because someone happens to be your uncle or has grown up with you, doesn’t mean that they should automatically have the privilege of being in your life. Just do what is best for you.

Give your time to the people who matter

Some people are in our lives for a reason and those are exactly the people we need to focus on. The family members and spouses that we love, the friends we can call any hour of the day, and the people we don’t really meet in real life, but who always manage to make us feel better. Those are the people who deserve our time and energy.

It’s also good to consider if we could spend some more quality time with people we care about, but with whom we don’t talk all that much. Maybe you haven’t called your grandparents in a while? Or maybe you were like two peas in a pod with your college roommate and vowed to keep in touch, but somehow life just got in the way after you graduated? Pick up your phone and call them, or at least send them a message. The most important people in your life will only make it better.

Conclusion

Do you feel like you let way too many people in your life, only to find yourself exhausted or feeling inferior? Or do you feel like you have found exactly the right people and wouldn’t change a thing? Let me know in the comments! Also if you liked this post, feel free to pin it.