How to Leave Your Past Self Behind

Do you look back at your life and feel disappointed? Do you want to be a different person, but you feel like you’re stuck in your role? Are you ready to finally change and leave your past self behind?

A lot of people are set in their ways, although they wish they could be different. You might want to be more outgoing, brave, focused, or accomplished. But if you’ve always been a certain way, it can be really, really hard to change.

You have probably heard how people can’t change or how you will always be the same person deep down. Hearing this might discourage you from even trying to make changes in your life and change the actions you take.

All of this is very understandable. But what if I told you, that change is possible? In fact, it’s very much possible. You always have a choice. Changing your habits and beliefs is not easy, but with careful planning and determination, you can most definitely succeed.

People change and you can change too

A lot of us have adopted a certain role for ourselves already in early childhood, and we tend to hold on to that role as we grow older. There is nothing wrong with being the way you feel comfortable and there’s no denying that to some extent our temperament and who we are is innate.

However, sometimes we are a certain way simply because we were brought up that way or because we learned to act that way since it was the easiest way to be when we were children.

For example, if you grew up with strict parents who demanded the best from you and expected you to always behave well and be mature, it’s likely that you did your best to behave as expected. While being a good child sounds great, it might also leave you with some baggage. You might grow up to be a perfectionist who has a hard time accepting mistakes.

Or you might be afraid to take chances and be self-imposed because in the past that would get you in trouble. Maybe you were bullied and now it’s extremely hard for you to speak up.

Whatever the baggage that you’re carrying is, you can let it go and start nurturing new habits. It won’t be a walk in the park and it can be hard to even know what exactly you want to work on, but you should always remember that change is possible.

Value the experiences you’ve had

Sometimes people regret choices that they made in the past, whether it’s the career they chose or where they lived for years, or the people they let in their life. It’s natural to be unhappy with some of the decisions you have made.

It’s not easy to build your life and choose your path when you’re young, and that’s not anything to be ashamed of.

After high school, I studied filmmaking for two years (a big dream of mine back then). That meant I had to live in cities I didn’t care about and I had to live in dorms, all the while many people I knew lived in nice apartments with their boyfriends (or fiances), traveled a lot, and were able to afford things like new clothes and Tropicana. When I look back at that time, I remember being lonely, frustrated and stressed about my future.

Now, did this experience have any value?

Of course! I got to do something I had wanted to do for a long time, I learned a lot of new skills (which I still find useful), and I got a lot of good memories. I didn’t become a film director or a screenwriter, but this was one phase in my life and I don’t have a reason to regret it.

Whatever experiences you have had in your life have their own value and there’s no need to be embarrassed about your past. Try to see the good in whatever you have experienced or gone through.

What kind of a person are you today?

The first thing to do when starting to leave your past role behind is to ask yourself who exactly do you consider yourself to be today. What kind of a person have you been all your life? What kinds of roles have you taken in different situations and in different groups of people?

It’s important to be clear about the fact that what you feel is just learned and not truly you (which is what you want to leave your past self behind) and what is genuinely you.

Keep in mind that not everything about a person is supposed to be positive. We all have flaws and we don’t have to change all of them. Maybe you are a bit shy or messy or too loud sometimes, but if it doesn’t really bother you, that’s just fine!

Find out what it is that you are simply because you learned to be that way and it’s holding you back or making you feel like you’re not being your true self.

What kind of a person were you in the past?

As a child, I learned to be rather quiet and docile, since I was shy and that’s how people expected me to be. But it always made me feel stupid and embarrassed, and I felt like I wasn’t really supposed to be this quiet and reserved person.

It’s really hard to let go of that role and break your old habits, but that’s the only way to start feeling like your true self.

What you want to do, is to think carefully about what parts of you feel like they are holding you back and are something else than what you were born to be.

Be clear and be realistic. Big changes take a lot of time and you might not be able to change everything you’d like to change. Focus on what is truly important for you.

Ask yourself who you think you really are

After figuring out what it is that you want to change and leave behind, you have to ask yourself who you think you truly are in your heart. What kind of a person do you want to be?

Again, you have to be realistic here. You can’t change yourself to the polar opposite of who you are now. Focus on the most important things that make you who you are.

What are the most crucial characteristics or habits to change? Do you think you’re a funny person, but you’re afraid to tell jokes or act goofy? Do you think you could be a confident and assertive person, but you don’t quite have the courage to act that way?

Be clear about what you want to be and what you want to achieve.

How to start leaving your past self behind

Keep in mind that big changes take a lot of time. If you’ve always been quiet and reserved, it’s extremely hard to let that all go in one day and start acting completely different. If you give it some time though, you are likely to succeed.

After you have figured out what kind of a person you think you should be and what exactly you want to change, you need a plan to make it all happen. Think about your daily life and how your past still affects you. What are the daily routines or behaviors that need to change? What would you like to do differently? Which habits are holding you back?

Once you get an idea of what you need to change in your daily life, create actionable steps for yourself to change the way you live your life. Maybe there are things about your morning routine or evening routine you want to change? Or about the way you act at work and talk to your colleagues? Maybe you need to start acting differently in your relationship?

Create weekly plans and challenges for yourself and track your progress. Don’t be afraid of setbacks – if you’ve for example always had a certain role in a friend group, it’s not easy to act differently than what people expect. But don’t worry. People will get used to the new you in no time.

And if in doubt, just ask yourself: what would You do?

It’s time to take action!

Have you always felt like you’re not being quite the person you’re supposed to be? What has been your biggest struggle? Let me know in the comments!

If you’re serious about changing your life, you’ll want to check out these posts too:

How to Upgrade Your Life in 10 Transformational Steps

What You Should Do With Conflicting Goals

5 Reasons Why Confidence Is Super Important to Success

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